Teachings of Uncertainty and Trust — Vilma's Morning Thoughts

Vilma's Morning Thoughts

In recent days I've felt uncertainty very strongly within me. And it's interesting, because from the outside maybe the opposite shows. I work, I organise, I come up with new things, I move forward, I run life. But inside there is a constant questioning.

Am I doing it right? Could I do it better? Am I a good mother? Am I heading in the right direction? Is this really the next step?

Panna and I are currently thinking about whether to move. To refresh our lives a little, to give ourselves a more spacious, freer space. And meanwhile I notice how this stirs something in me. Because much as I love new things, much as I always throw myself into new projects, there's also that very earthy, safety-loving part within me. I love knowing where everything is. I love that feeling when everything around me is stable and predictable. And maybe that's exactly why this whole thing is working in me so strongly. Because I've realised that behind the constant "desire to renew" there's often not just enthusiasm but also uncertainty. The feeling that I should be doing something better, that I should be coming up with something more, that I should keep growing — so I can finally arrive at a point where I can be entirely at peace.

Then I read Ajahn Chah, and I just smile. "Uncertain, isn't it?"

And somehow I feel more and more that perhaps my task isn't to eliminate this uncertainty. But to learn to rest within it.

As he said: "I sit where no one comes and no one leaves. I rest on the middle way."

This sentence is so beautiful. Because it isn't about everything being perfect. It's about being able to live in such a way that we don't cling tightly to everything. Because life is, in fact, always changing.  Our children grow. We change. Our relationships, our home, our work, our body, the world around us. And meanwhile we often try to hold on as if we could fix anything permanently. But maybe the point isn't to change things. It's understanding. That life isn't to be "fixed" but lived. To watch what it teaches us. And perhaps that's why I always seek new situations, new projects, new paths — not because I'm never satisfied, but because somewhere this is my practice. A kind of meditation in motion. Stepping into the new. Feeling the uncertainty. And going on anyway. And honestly… I'm still learning this.

Because there's still a small inner voice in me that would like to foresee everything, to secure it, to arrange it neatly around me. And then life usually smiles at this… and goes in a completely different direction. And I stand there, like a spiritual interior designer trying to rearrange the universe too, so that everything finally fits. Then of course I realise that this is exactly the point. Maybe trust really doesn't mean knowing what will happen. It means no longer being so afraid that I don't know. "We live with a mind full of trust when we don't worry about imperfections."

And maybe this is my practice right now. To rest a little more in life. Even when… it's uncertain.

And you… do you yet believe that life sometimes holds you even when you understand nothing of it?

Wishing everyone a wonderful weekend!

© Vilma's Morning Thoughts