There comes a point in life when you realise you can no longer go on as before.
You can't and don't want to keep enduring everything.
You can't and don't want to keep rescuing everyone.
You can't and don't want to keep pretending everything is fine.
At such moments many of us wonder: am I on the wrong path? What will happen if I start saying no and changing things? And what if guilt accompanies this feeling? Well, that is exactly what shows: the healing process has begun!
And emotional healing is not a fast process. It's not a motivational quote. It's not a single insight or a "think positive" kind of magic. Rather, it is a slow, sometimes (often…) painful, but deeply liberating return to ourselves. To the part of us that was once taught long ago that we are too much, too sensitive, too loud, or even too quiet. That is, too much ourselves!
One thing we all share: this part is our inner child. It is not a behaviour but the small "I" inside you who remembers. Everything that happened to it is there in every movement and every cell. The loving and the love-less stories alike. It is the part of us that remembers what it was like to be afraid, what it was like to be left alone with our feelings, what it was like not to receive enough love, or to receive attention only when we performed well. At such times the child learns to adapt, because it still depends on others. It believes its difficult feelings are a burden, so it learns to suppress them, or grows used to having to grow up too fast and solve its own problems.
And as adults, we don't understand why we can't be honest, why we act as if everything were fine when in fact nothing is.
There is a constant urge to prove ourselves, because deep down there is the fear of not being lovable. So in our adult relationships our wounds often do the talking; we connect from our injuries, and that is why so many people live in unhappy relationships. But how could they be happy if they cannot put into words what they truly long for, who they really are, or where the boundaries are that they respect in themselves and can enforce with others?
This is where the very typical relationship blocks come from:
- When someone clings too much.
- When they dread rejection so much that they cannot connect deeply.
- When they cannot set boundaries.
- Or when they try to please everyone, constantly proving their worth.
- At those moments it isn't the adult Self responding, but a long-wounded child in whom old pains and reactions are activated.
Healing begins when we stop fighting against ourselves and the outside world!
We don't need to fix ourselves — rather, to understand why we do what we do, why we react the way we react.
When we finally start to connect with ourselves differently — honestly, with accepting love.
We no longer feel ashamed of our feelings, we no longer punish ourselves for what we didn't do.
You become able to give yourself the reassurance, the safety, the acceptance — you don't need an external confirmation for it!
This is taking responsibility. For yourself. With adult functioning.
This is the very important difference between adult and child!
What has happened cannot be deleted or changed, but from now on you can do things differently!
As adults we are now responsible for our healing, and this possibility is given to everyone, regardless of their current situation.
We have a choice. If you feel you have no choice, you have chosen that too…!
Is this frightening? Let it be liberating instead. ?
You can learn to say no.
You can step out of harmful relationships.
You can learn to recognise your own needs.
You can learn to rest without guilt.
You can begin to rebuild the relationship with yourself that you may have neglected for many years.
True healing is often quiet — it may happen slowly and isn't free of pain.
It doesn't mean you'll never fall apart again. But when it hurts, you no longer abandon yourself in it, because you love yourself and are strong enough to stand up quickly with a new chance and renewed strength.
You don't have to be perfect to be lovable!
Perhaps this is one of the most important realisations that later changes everything.
Be vulnerable, be sensitive, or — if you prefer — be "too much". ?
From now on, in every difficult situation, say it aloud:
